Mama's Coffee Break

So that was Christmas

2007-12-27T17:12:00.000-08:00

Wow, I'm wore out!

The kids got far too many gifts, we were all drug around to places we didn't expect, and I ended up making a few (thousand) dozen cookies to pass out to all the last minute gift getters. What I thought would be a dull year turned into a circus! The highlight was the Ex deciding last minute he wanted to take the boys to see his grandmother who has early stages of Alzheimer's, but saying he couldn't handle them on his own. So I ended up coming along. As if spending time with my ex wasn't enough, I had to do it with his family and his grandmother who asked me every 5 minutes who I was and why I was there.

The boys got the biggest loudest toys they could imagine from their father. Part of me thinks h did it on purpose and I'm almost tempted to let him have them for a few days and take the toys with them. Bear got a giant robotic dinosaur that growls and walks with this stomping sound echoing. And Bull got toy vacuum with bells inside of it that jiggle loudly as he pushes it all over the house. I can feel the migraine coming on.

And just to make things better I woke up this morning with a stuffy nose and a sore throat. Hopefully 2008 will be better.

Christmas Eve's Eve

2007-12-23T20:33:00.001-08:00

I can't believe tomorrow is Christmas Eve. It feels as if this entire year has just flew past me and left me foggy about the details. I know I was there, but it happened so quickly I'm not sure what all happened.

Tomorrow morning we'll have breakfast then the boys get to open 1 gift each. They are old enough to figure out to go for the big boxes so I'm changing things up a bit this year. I'll choose three smaller gifts each and let them pick from those which to open. It will still have the excitement but I won't be worrying that they are opening the big gifts. Then tomorrow evening their father is coming to take them to his house for dinner. It is nice that they will get to celebrate that with him.

I'll be home alone for the evening. Loverman is visiting his parents and sister and won't be back until after the first. He did surprise me with a small gift card to the movie rental place. I thought we had talked about it and were not getting each other gifts, so the card really surprised me. Now I'm trying to think of something small yet sweet to get him when he comes back. However with him out of town and the kids gone for most of the evening, and possibly the night as they were begging to sleep over at thir father's house, I'm a bit lost of what to do.

I need a hobby.

Snow Day!

2007-12-15T08:40:00.000-08:00

Oh, I've been so sick the last few days. I seemed to have caught a flu bug that was going around. Which is kind of funny since I did get the shot jut a week before. Thinking back I've gotten the flu every winter, sometimes two or more times each winter. And I've always had my flu vaccine. Guess it doesn't work as promised, huh?

Bear and Bull are bouncing off the walls. There is a fresh blanket of snow outside and more falling down. They are desperate to go throw some snowballs and make a snowman. Now that my head doesn't feel like a balloon and I'm not falling down sick anymore I'm tempted to take them. Yet I cannot find their gloves anywhere! Winter coats, hats, and scarvs are all in the box where they should be. The gloves seem to have walked away though. I don't want to have to make a special trip to the store just for a couple pair of gloves.

I guess I could put socks on their hands. I remember doing that as a little girl whenever i lost my gloves or if they were too soaked to keep wearing. Though I always had some warm woll socks to use and neither boy has a pair like that. Maybe I will make that trip to the store afterall. I can't just let their hands freeze!

Go To Sleep!

2007-12-06T20:38:00.000-08:00

I swear my kids are the worst ever at going to bed.

Every night I give them a warm bath, get them into warm pj's, get them a small snack, read a few dozen stories, cover them up in their bed, and pinkie swear a billion times that there are no monsters in the house. And still I'll hear "MOM!" every 5 minutes for the next hour. What do I have to do to get them in bed and asleep before 10 PM?

Since I work from home I try to do most of my work after they're in bed. That way they get my attention all day, except for the few minutes I steal for myself here and there. Maybe it's single mom guilt. They don't have 2 full time parents so I'm trying to be double the parent myself. If only there was a way to get their father to be with them more. Compared to other single moms I know he's already pulling his weight a few thousand times more than most dads, but it still doesn't feel like enough. If he could take them for an hour or two every afternoon or evening that would be wonderfully amazing.

A girl can dream.

Monday Monday

2007-12-03T13:16:00.000-08:00

Yawn. It's a slow day at the office. OK, so I don't work in an office. But it's still a slow day. Usually Mondays are full of clients needing something, but today I can't even find a new job to take. Please, please don't slow down right before Christmas! Please! We're already looking at a tiny Christmas this year, I don't want to make it worse.

I've actually gotten most of the gifts taken care of already. I just need to get my mom something and I'm done. Hopefully the kids won't be disappointed that e won't be overflowing with stuff. I know that Bear has been begging for one of the train sets on a table and an astronaut helmet for kids. Neither are anywhere near my price range. The only helmets I could find in his size are $50. Sorry kid, that's grocery money you're messing with. Bull wants a couple new balls to kick around. Since most of his were taken by neighborhood boys, blown away, or got smashed. And don't forget the poor football that met it's end with a lawnmower. It wasn't pretty.

Loverman and I aren't exchanging gifts. I'm too broke and he doesn't celebrate anyway. This time of year I call him The Grinch. He doesn't want a tree or any decorations, hates holiday music, and never buys gifts. He assures me that his own family hasn't gotten gifts from him in nearly 10 years. I wouldn't know what to get him anyway. A new necktie?

How I got a Loverman.

2007-11-30T19:55:00.000-08:00

I'm really trying to get into this blogging stuff. I never was the type to keep a journal or diary, so suddenly having one so open and online is a bit confusing.

Anyway, earlier I was looking around at some other blogs and reading some when I came across this post. Six Types of Date You Will Encounter While Single I read it about three time, chuckling along the way. I can see so many of my ex boyfriends in this list. I'm tempted to put the X-factor in the first category. Not because he was so horrible, in fact before we had kids we were pretty much perfect for each other. But after our first son came it was clear we weren't clicking anymore. I was in my new role as a mother, he was refusing to add any more responsibility to his life than he had before kids. I used to say I was a single mother long before he left.

But this isn't about him, it's about my new boytoy Loverman. He's probably a #3. Independent, not tied down, not trying to go any further than it is. I'm not sure if that means there's any future, but for right now it's perfect. He was actually a friend of the X, that's how we met. It feels a bit shady admitting that. There were a few sparks and I did have a secret crush on him, but we were adult enough not to take it anywhere.

It was probably about 3 months after the X and I split. Loverman had just been dumped by his long term girlfriend, a woman he had been planning to propose to. So we were friends hlping each other through our mutual relationship woes. There was nothinggoing on, not friends with benefits or anything of the sort. Just someone who would sit on the couch and eat pizza with me late at night and understood why sappy commercials made me cry. My kids already knew him and were comfortable with him, though he didn't often come over when they were up. One night, out of no where he leaned over and kissed me. I mean kissed me. After that he started coming ovr more often, obviously wooing me. I stayed a bit distant at first, I was so nervous and scared! But he began to grow on me, and somehow the relationship evolved into waht it is today.

Of course the X hates it! He feels that friends should never get involved with their friend's exes. I say if the spark is there go for it.

One of those moms...

2007-11-29T20:55:00.000-08:00

I had company tonight. A very nice woman that I know briefly stopped by to chat after dinner. It should have been a nice evening chatting with another adult while the kids played, instead I felt awkward and nervous. Now that she's gone I feel like such an idiot, but at the time she was here I was terrified of the kids doing something embarrassing. Which of course they did, repeatedly. Some of it involving typical boy potty humor and bodily functions. Sigh.

My acquaintance is my age yet doesn't have kids, and probably never will. It's not that she's one of those people who hates all kids, she just feels it's not in her plans to have any. And that's where I get nervous. I'm a mom, despite my best intentions that role has taken over my life. I could chat for hours about diapers, bed time stories, and how to get beads out of a child's nose. But put me in a room with someone who isn't interested in comparing which park has the better swing set and I feel lost.

Oh my God, I've become one of those moms! The ones who have no life outside their kids! No, say it isn't true!

I think it's time to find something outside the house that I can do, something that doesn't involve kids in any way. That seems so odd to think about. I've been at home with the kids since they were born. First as a stay at home mom and then as a work at home mom. I wouldn't even know how to hand them to some one else for a few hours. I pace the floor when I drop them off at their father's house, and they never stay there for very long. I suppose I could take that time to try some adult interaction, though I usually use it to catch up on all the chores and work that needs to be finished. I would feel even more behind if I skipped that free time.

Lunch

2007-11-27T10:00:00.000-08:00

Loverman has meetings all afternoon, but he was able to stop by for an early lunch date. Nothing fancy, just noodles from a box and sauce from a jar. I wish I could cook some fancy, homemade dish but that's not about to happen. At least not until the kids are old enough to give me space and quiet so I can think. When they start screaming and whining and asking for 50 million little things my brain just freezes up. That's usually when we have PB&J for lunch and call it good.

I'm envious of the moms who seem to have it together. My two are enough to make my skin crawl at times. Not that I don't love them, I do. But I grew up as an only child, I'm used to quiet and calm and time to think. But these two are nonstop screaming, running, jumping, talking, moving machines. The only peace and quiet I get is after they're in bed for the night, and then I'm trying to clean up the mess they created all day.

Down the road a few houses is a mom that just blows my mind. She's home all day with 7 kids, homeschools them all, and is the picture of peace and tranquility. She's so soft spoken, relaxed, and sane. She's always well dressed, even wears make up! The woman even has a garden and makes almost everything she cooks from scratch! How the hell does she do that? I can't even turn on the oven without stopping 5 times to break these two up or get them off the furniture.

So I made spaghetti today. Loverman brought the boys poptarts, which did not help the situation at all, while I tried to cook the food. Even before he got there the boys were climbing onto the table and jumping off. 30 times I told them to stop and 30 times they climbed back up as soon as I was in the kitchen. But now they had pure sugar in their systems, so as I tried to not burn the meat they ran around in circles in the middle of the dining room screaming at the top of their lungs. Loverman hid in the bathroom.

We did have a nice lunch with limited fighting. Then he was off with a quick kiss, back to the land of grown ups and mettings and conferences. And I'm here, pretending to be working. Oh God, I hear someone screaming "mama!". That's my cue to go.

The gentle sound of kids killing each other

2007-11-25T19:46:00.000-08:00

*sigh*

I need a double shot of brandy in my coffee tonight.

My sons went to their father's house today. His sister was over and brought her son and daughters which are roughly the same age as mine. She also brought double fudge brownies. Now the boys are wired on chocolate and too much excitement. They are running laps through the house, slamming into each other and taking toys from one another. The last 10 minutes have been non-stop screaming/crying/shouting from the both of them. I've given up trying to stop it and have taken to hiding in the bathroom with my laptop until it is either over so they are worn down enough to go on to bed.

This is the part of single parenting I hate. I love being able to make the decisions without needing anyone else's input, at least most of the time. But moments like this I need back up, some one who can step in and help me wrangle them. They wouldn't dare act this way when their father is around, or even when Loverman is here. They know that both of them mean business. Mom is a big old sucker though. I just cannot handle the noise and the constant action, it becomes stimulation overload for me. I'll do anything to just have a moment of peace and quiet.

Why do you blog?

2007-11-23T20:08:00.000-08:00

I'm still not entirely sure what to do with this whole blog thing. I've been trying to read around on other's blogs, though I haven't worked up the courage to comment yet. I'm just mimicking others right now. What they use on their blogs, what they share, that sort of thing. I guess I should share why I blog.

It started a couple months ago. Not this blog, of course, but the idea to keep a blog. I was in one of the little coffee shops around here sipping my cappuccino slowly before picking the boys up from their father's house. The place was empty so the girl behind the counter and I were swapping jokes and stories. At one point she was laughing over some silly story I was sharing about the boys and she told me I needed to write a blog. After I stared at her like she was suddenly speaking Greek she explained what a blog was. See, this is how far behind I am. I'm not "hip" nor "with it" in the least.

The thought kind of stuck with me and wouldn't let go. I started thinking about witty names and spending time looking at layouts and designs. I almost started two previous blogs, then quickly deleted them. I was nervous, I still am.

But I think I know what I'm doing now. Or at least I know enough to fake it. So far I don't think anyone is even reading my ramblings, though that's partially my fault for not putting myself out there. I know I do not want certain people I know reading this, hence the pseudonyms. I guess I just want to be able to get my feelings out without any of the baggage.

Countdown to turkey

2007-11-21T09:39:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, my first with my sons alone. Last year I let their father take them so they could see his family but this year they are all mine. I'm a little nervous. We don't have any real plans. None of my family lives around here and we've got no where to go. I bought a small turkey, some stuffing mix, veggies, and an apple pie.

Loveman is away on business until Sunday, so he won't be around. I hate that he has to work over Thanksgiving. But that's his choice. He came by last night to see me since he had to leave early this morning. I was hoping for a little romance, instead we watched a movie and ate ice cream. OK, kind of romantic. It was a romance, sort of. But once the movie was over he went home, even with me throwing myself at him. Sigh.

A run down of us

2007-11-19T19:18:00.000-08:00

I thought I should write down who every one is so that anyone who stumbles on this won't be confused. Hopefully no one I know in real life will stumble on this little blog, but just in case I'm using fake names. Well, except for my own. But Dawn is a fairly common name, so I'm not too worried there.

First my kids:

Bear: He's loud, grumpy, and has more attitude in his little finger than most teenagers have all over. In other words he's just like his mother. I love him to death, but he's best taken in small doses. He's also curious and creative and hilarious when he wants to be. Bear can having you rolling on the floor laughing or pulling your hair out in frustration.

Bull: Stubborn and hot tempered, that's my bull. He wants what he wants and he wants it now. Don't let the angel face fool you, there's the heart of a super villain beating inside.

The men in my life:

Loverman: The daring boyfriend who puts up with me. He often reminds me too much of my ex, but he's cute enough that I don't hold it against him. There are no wedding bells in the near future, but he keeps a spare tooth brush in my bathroom.

X-Factor: This would be my ex, and the father of my sons. He's a good guy and a good father. He works far too much, but he tries to see the boys when he can. He doesn't often "get it", but I'm beginning to think no man does.

That's it for now. I'll come back and add more later.

Well hello there

2007-11-18T23:57:00.000-08:00

So, I'm the last person on earth to start blogging. That's OK, I've never been a trend setter anyway.

I guess this is where I ramble on about myself. You would think as much as I do that in real life I could do it here. Apparently not. So let's see....

I'm Dawn. I'm a single mom of two boys who I adore, even when they're driving me bonkers. I work from home doing this or that. Their father is a great guy who loves them and trying to be in their lives as much as he can. I have a semi-serious relationship with a guy that sometimes reminds me far too much of my ex.

I'm often over dramatic, over tired, and over weight. I love my kids, my life, and everything in it. And yet there are moments when I just need to add a little something extra to my cup of coffee to get me through the day. Watch as I ramble on and try to figure this blogging thing out.