Mama's Coffee Break

The kids got far too many gifts, we were all drug around to places we didn't expect, and I ended up making a few (thousand) dozen cookies to pass out to all the last minute gift getters. What I thought would be a dull year turned into a circus! The highlight was the Ex deciding last minute he wanted to take the boys to see his grandmother who has early stages of Alzheimer's, but saying he couldn't handle them on his own. So I ended up coming along. As if spending time with my ex wasn't enough, I had to do it with his family and his grandmother who asked me every 5 minutes who I was and why I was there.

The boys got the biggest loudest toys they could imagine from their father. Part of me thinks h did it on purpose and I'm almost tempted to let him have them for a few days and take the toys with them. Bear got a giant robotic dinosaur that growls and walks with this stomping sound echoing. And Bull got toy vacuum with bells inside of it that jiggle loudly as he pushes it all over the house. I can feel the migraine coming on.

And just to make things better I woke up this morning with a stuffy nose and a sore throat. Hopefully 2008 will be better.

I can't believe tomorrow is Christmas Eve. It feels as if this entire year has just flew past me and left me foggy about the details. I know I was there, but it happened so quickly I'm not sure what all happened.

Tomorrow morning we'll have breakfast then the boys get to open 1 gift each. They are old enough to figure out to go for the big boxes so I'm changing things up a bit this year. I'll choose three smaller gifts each and let them pick from those which to open. It will still have the excitement but I won't be worrying that they are opening the big gifts. Then tomorrow evening their father is coming to take them to his house for dinner. It is nice that they will get to celebrate that with him.

I'll be home alone for the evening. Loverman is visiting his parents and sister and won't be back until after the first. He did surprise me with a small gift card to the movie rental place. I thought we had talked about it and were not getting each other gifts, so the card really surprised me. Now I'm trying to think of something small yet sweet to get him when he comes back. However with him out of town and the kids gone for most of the evening, and possibly the night as they were begging to sleep over at thir father's house, I'm a bit lost of what to do.

I need a hobby.

Yawn. It's a slow day at the office. OK, so I don't work in an office. But it's still a slow day. Usually Mondays are full of clients needing something, but today I can't even find a new job to take. Please, please don't slow down right before Christmas! Please! We're already looking at a tiny Christmas this year, I don't want to make it worse.

I've actually gotten most of the gifts taken care of already. I just need to get my mom something and I'm done. Hopefully the kids won't be disappointed that e won't be overflowing with stuff. I know that Bear has been begging for one of the train sets on a table and an astronaut helmet for kids. Neither are anywhere near my price range. The only helmets I could find in his size are $50. Sorry kid, that's grocery money you're messing with. Bull wants a couple new balls to kick around. Since most of his were taken by neighborhood boys, blown away, or got smashed. And don't forget the poor football that met it's end with a lawnmower. It wasn't pretty.

Loverman and I aren't exchanging gifts. I'm too broke and he doesn't celebrate anyway. This time of year I call him The Grinch. He doesn't want a tree or any decorations, hates holiday music, and never buys gifts. He assures me that his own family hasn't gotten gifts from him in nearly 10 years. I wouldn't know what to get him anyway. A new necktie?

I'm really trying to get into this blogging stuff. I never was the type to keep a journal or diary, so suddenly having one so open and online is a bit confusing.

Anyway, earlier I was looking around at some other blogs and reading some when I came across this post. Six Types of Date You Will Encounter While Single I read it about three time, chuckling along the way. I can see so many of my ex boyfriends in this list. I'm tempted to put the X-factor in the first category. Not because he was so horrible, in fact before we had kids we were pretty much perfect for each other. But after our first son came it was clear we weren't clicking anymore. I was in my new role as a mother, he was refusing to add any more responsibility to his life than he had before kids. I used to say I was a single mother long before he left.

But this isn't about him, it's about my new boytoy Loverman. He's probably a #3. Independent, not tied down, not trying to go any further than it is. I'm not sure if that means there's any future, but for right now it's perfect. He was actually a friend of the X, that's how we met. It feels a bit shady admitting that. There were a few sparks and I did have a secret crush on him, but we were adult enough not to take it anywhere.

It was probably about 3 months after the X and I split. Loverman had just been dumped by his long term girlfriend, a woman he had been planning to propose to. So we were friends hlping each other through our mutual relationship woes. There was nothinggoing on, not friends with benefits or anything of the sort. Just someone who would sit on the couch and eat pizza with me late at night and understood why sappy commercials made me cry. My kids already knew him and were comfortable with him, though he didn't often come over when they were up. One night, out of no where he leaned over and kissed me. I mean kissed me. After that he started coming ovr more often, obviously wooing me. I stayed a bit distant at first, I was so nervous and scared! But he began to grow on me, and somehow the relationship evolved into waht it is today.

Of course the X hates it! He feels that friends should never get involved with their friend's exes. I say if the spark is there go for it.

I had company tonight. A very nice woman that I know briefly stopped by to chat after dinner. It should have been a nice evening chatting with another adult while the kids played, instead I felt awkward and nervous. Now that she's gone I feel like such an idiot, but at the time she was here I was terrified of the kids doing something embarrassing. Which of course they did, repeatedly. Some of it involving typical boy potty humor and bodily functions. Sigh.

My acquaintance is my age yet doesn't have kids, and probably never will. It's not that she's one of those people who hates all kids, she just feels it's not in her plans to have any. And that's where I get nervous. I'm a mom, despite my best intentions that role has taken over my life. I could chat for hours about diapers, bed time stories, and how to get beads out of a child's nose. But put me in a room with someone who isn't interested in comparing which park has the better swing set and I feel lost.

Oh my God, I've become one of those moms! The ones who have no life outside their kids! No, say it isn't true!

I think it's time to find something outside the house that I can do, something that doesn't involve kids in any way. That seems so odd to think about. I've been at home with the kids since they were born. First as a stay at home mom and then as a work at home mom. I wouldn't even know how to hand them to some one else for a few hours. I pace the floor when I drop them off at their father's house, and they never stay there for very long. I suppose I could take that time to try some adult interaction, though I usually use it to catch up on all the chores and work that needs to be finished. I would feel even more behind if I skipped that free time.