Mama's Coffee Break

I'm really trying to get into this blogging stuff. I never was the type to keep a journal or diary, so suddenly having one so open and online is a bit confusing.

Anyway, earlier I was looking around at some other blogs and reading some when I came across this post. Six Types of Date You Will Encounter While Single I read it about three time, chuckling along the way. I can see so many of my ex boyfriends in this list. I'm tempted to put the X-factor in the first category. Not because he was so horrible, in fact before we had kids we were pretty much perfect for each other. But after our first son came it was clear we weren't clicking anymore. I was in my new role as a mother, he was refusing to add any more responsibility to his life than he had before kids. I used to say I was a single mother long before he left.

But this isn't about him, it's about my new boytoy Loverman. He's probably a #3. Independent, not tied down, not trying to go any further than it is. I'm not sure if that means there's any future, but for right now it's perfect. He was actually a friend of the X, that's how we met. It feels a bit shady admitting that. There were a few sparks and I did have a secret crush on him, but we were adult enough not to take it anywhere.

It was probably about 3 months after the X and I split. Loverman had just been dumped by his long term girlfriend, a woman he had been planning to propose to. So we were friends hlping each other through our mutual relationship woes. There was nothinggoing on, not friends with benefits or anything of the sort. Just someone who would sit on the couch and eat pizza with me late at night and understood why sappy commercials made me cry. My kids already knew him and were comfortable with him, though he didn't often come over when they were up. One night, out of no where he leaned over and kissed me. I mean kissed me. After that he started coming ovr more often, obviously wooing me. I stayed a bit distant at first, I was so nervous and scared! But he began to grow on me, and somehow the relationship evolved into waht it is today.

Of course the X hates it! He feels that friends should never get involved with their friend's exes. I say if the spark is there go for it.

I had company tonight. A very nice woman that I know briefly stopped by to chat after dinner. It should have been a nice evening chatting with another adult while the kids played, instead I felt awkward and nervous. Now that she's gone I feel like such an idiot, but at the time she was here I was terrified of the kids doing something embarrassing. Which of course they did, repeatedly. Some of it involving typical boy potty humor and bodily functions. Sigh.

My acquaintance is my age yet doesn't have kids, and probably never will. It's not that she's one of those people who hates all kids, she just feels it's not in her plans to have any. And that's where I get nervous. I'm a mom, despite my best intentions that role has taken over my life. I could chat for hours about diapers, bed time stories, and how to get beads out of a child's nose. But put me in a room with someone who isn't interested in comparing which park has the better swing set and I feel lost.

Oh my God, I've become one of those moms! The ones who have no life outside their kids! No, say it isn't true!

I think it's time to find something outside the house that I can do, something that doesn't involve kids in any way. That seems so odd to think about. I've been at home with the kids since they were born. First as a stay at home mom and then as a work at home mom. I wouldn't even know how to hand them to some one else for a few hours. I pace the floor when I drop them off at their father's house, and they never stay there for very long. I suppose I could take that time to try some adult interaction, though I usually use it to catch up on all the chores and work that needs to be finished. I would feel even more behind if I skipped that free time.